There’s a saying that your whole life can change in the time it takes to breath. I had just experienced this in such a profound way I wanted to shout, “I’m Free!!!” from the rooftops and dance through the streets. The next day I awoke pondering how nothing else in my life had changed though. On the outside I was still surviving, still unemployed, still living in total uncertainty. How could I begin to let this new-found inner self flow into my outer life? So, I did the first thing I thought of, I packed a bag, got in my car and drove and kept driving. I headed straight to the Redwoods a full 10-12 hour drive away from Southern California. It was my grandmothers birthday and I thought I’d go say hello. I knew other family members would be there visiting too and wanted to see everyone with these fresh eyes I was sporting.

Upon arriving, it didn’t go so well. I can remember feeling like I was an alien. Couldn’t they see the difference in me since the last time we saw each other? Couldn’t they feel the vibrancy pulsing through my skin? Why were they judging me so harshly? Then I realized I was showing them a mirror. I was only the messenger.

Their reaction to me had nothing to do with me and it never did! What a concept!

I forgave the entire situation and my ancestral lineage over the next few years. At first it was simply stopping myself from attempting to gain their approval or acceptance. Eventually, I officially put down the victim badge inside; I saw them and the situation from love instead of from abandonment and rejection. I remember feeling sad by the loss of it all and yet free at the same time. Free from the power that I had previously given away to their opinions of me.

In all fairness, they didn’t understand what I was going through. They were seeing my mistakes and failures as defining moments in my life, perhaps ones I would never recover from. Once I understood how different their lens was compared to mine, I was finally ready to let go. I let go of any and all attachments to changing their lens’ or my own to fit theirs. I let go of needing to please. I let go of trying so hard to be loved and appreciated by them. From that point on, I began to intentionally foster my relationships. I focused on my friendships that are balanced in giving and receiving mutual support and love. I stopped participating in the one-sided ones, the putting down ones, the you can’t do that ones and the like. 

For my  own self-preservation, I can love them from a distance and not feel the slightest bit bad about it!

Again, what a concept. 

Those two days in April became a talisman experience for me. I can look back at the last few years and see its impact in every area of my life. I completed my coaching certification years before meeting Mike. I knew the potential a deep dive session can have on someone’s life. I had witnessed it, but hadn’t personally experienced its full potency until then. I realized that I needed to go through everything I had gone through up until that point, in order to be the coach I knew I was inside. An aspect of the passion I bring to my coaching practice comes from knowing the quantum leaps that are possible when someone is really ready and committed to create them.

I had to pledge to myself to burst through my own dark night experience, to fully honor it, and allow it to birth a new me into existence. My number one takeaway from this experience is to be open to receiving; to ask for support when needed, and accept it when it comes. If you find yourself craving things to change in life and don’t know how to make it happen, simply affirming your desire, gets the ball moving. Please reach out and say hello if you’d like to have a conversation about it. Taking that first step forward is a leap of faith, I’m here to take it with you!

From my heart,

Tanja